Start of Something New

I decided to recover back my blogger account and read all my past posts. Wow. I didnt know I had so...

Fri, 07 Jun 2013 00:05:54 -0400

I decided to recover back my blogger account and read all my past posts. Wow. I didnt know I had so much drama back then! Haha!

If only I can relive back my old life when I have lesser commitments and so many free times to spare. :p

I’m already turning 22 this year. Gosh.

One more week to go until I switched to a new job. Not too sure though if I would be able to cope with new job and studies. The manager already pre-warned me on the stressful and demanding environment in the banking sector. >.<

That aside, I feel like going for short getaway! Hehe. Batam or Bangkok or Bali or wherever laa! Anywhere outside Singapore!

Sigh. It’s so hard to persuade my BFFs to go Batam with me. I’m just hoping his family is serious about going there. Or even if they’re not, Im gonna persuade his friends! I NEED my telur penyu! Heheh

Half an hour more to go and I’m off for lunch!

Till we meet again!

22 May 2012 The first ever exam I took after years of being exam-free. You have no idea how nervous...

Thu, 23 May 2013 01:06:58 -0400

22 May 2012

The first ever exam I took after years of being exam-free. You have no idea how nervous and scared I was. I started studying only a week before the big day. There were too many concepts and my biggest worry is not knowing which concepts to apply.

It was a 2 hour paper. Trust me. It passed by so fast. And as much as I hate to say this, I flunked few questions. I’m already frustrated with the previous assignment cause of my wonderful ‘teammate’ who amazingly pulled down my grade. I just hope I’ll get a decent grade at least for this paper.

Ohwells. Even if I didnt, it’s okay. Failure is another step closer to success. =D #selfmotivation

yanilavigne: (Quotes here)

Sun, 19 May 2013 08:26:47 -0400

yanilavigne:

(Quotes here)

yanilavigne: (Quotes here)

Sun, 19 May 2013 08:25:06 -0400

yanilavigne:

(Quotes here)

yanilavigne: (Quotes here)

Sun, 19 May 2013 08:23:50 -0400

yanilavigne:

(Quotes here)

justbesplendid: free your mind

Sun, 19 May 2013 08:18:00 -0400

justbesplendid:

free your mind

I have absolutely no idea what is going to happen but if that is the way she wants it to be,...

Sun, 19 May 2013 08:07:17 -0400

I have absolutely no idea what is going to happen but if that is the way she wants it to be, I’d back off and let her be. I will just succumb to fate. My existence is invisible to her anyway. So why bother right? Pfft.

"You’re not the ONLY one person in the whole wide world who is ALLOWED to joke."

Tue, 14 May 2013 02:26:31 -0400

“You’re not the ONLY one person in the whole wide world who is ALLOWED to joke.”

On a fine line between holding on and letting go

Mon, 18 Feb 2013 02:08:18 -0500

We finally met. After what seems like forever. But it didn’t turn out to be as what I’ve expected. I had to put on a brave front because I didn’t want to make things worse.

That first moment when we met, she didn’t even salam me. But she did that to my other friend. When my friend asks her to do the same to me, she ignored and made no attempt. Do you know how insulted I felt? Yes I know I was holding on to my laptop and bag but if she had attempted, I would have placed the laptop down.

Eye contact? None. And what happened following that was she was on call with someone apparently more important than me, chatted all the way and walk ahead so that I wouldn’t know who was that until we were almost reaching the mosque. Now can someone tell me what she meant by her claim when she said even if I’m there, it’s like I’m not there?

I decided to sit at the praying area, and since she can’t pray, she wanted to sit at the auditorium instead. Fair enough. We intended to have dinner together but when my friend asked her along, she rejected upfront. She even pushed my friend in front of everyone.

The first word I heard from my friend after that was ‘sedihnye’. Apparently she’s not used to the other side of her, and throughout the entire lunch, she’s still in disbelief. ‘Seriously, sedih gile, terguris hati aku’. ‘ Tak sangka die stubborn gitu sampai sanggup tolak aku depan org’

You see, even a third party felt hurt. What more me who went through this hostility for weeks?

We meant well. Because I invited her over, it’s only right to go dinner together. She chose not to. Is it my fault?

We took cab together on our way back home. She didn’t start any conversation. My other friend did. She could have joined in but she was looking out of the window all the way. I tried to bring her in the conversation, she wasn’t even listening. I had to repeat twice for her to reply. And when she did, her reply was half hearted.

And now she’s saying she know what it felt like to be friendless. That she’s sad with everything when she chose everything to be the way it is right now. I knew it. Space will only make things worse. She refused to listen to me and insisted that is exactly what she needed. Now just look at where we are.

I’m not as strong as I appear to be. I chose to suppress my emotions. I chose to act as if it didn’t affect me because I’m sick and tired of showing her I’m hurt umpteen times. I know she wouldn’t try to pacify me (recall back; 21st birthday)

And now after what happened yesterday she decided to be alone again.

Why can’t she see that what she’s doing is just wrong? All this happened because it is exactly what she requested. I went through tormenting ordeal just trying to make myself accept the fact that she’s no longer the person I knew. And when she claims she’s trying to make things better, it’s not what it seems to me. She is just furthering her distance and if anything bad happens, she will just push the blame on me.

Sigh, I’m on the verge of giving up. My faith is crumbling down. Dear God, please give me the strengths I need to overcome this test. I can’t do this alone. </3

My silence is just another word for my pain.

Tue, 12 Feb 2013 08:15:00 -0500

I don’t know where our friendship is heading to. It’s depressing to just think about it. And each time I did, I’ll just break down that instant not caring whoever is around me. Trust me, I’m trying my best to be strong, but it’s just not working well.

She decided to walk away after 7 years of friendship. Just because she’s hurt. But not once has she spared my thoughts.

My 21st birthday. The worst day ever. I spent the night with her and my other best friend and all I got was heartbreak. It’s the only birthday I had with so much tears. Not joyful ones. Sad ones. I cried the entire night until my nose was blocked and my eyes were swollen. The minute I woke up, I continued crying all the way until we separated. And even when she heard me crying, she ignored it and went to sleep. I stopped awhile for the sake of my other friend. But I cried again when I met my other friends. You have absolutely no idea just how sad and depressed I was.

But throughout all this, did I choose to leave? No, I’m still here. I’m willing to forgo that horrendous event all because I treasured our friendship. Have I ever made her cry so bad in front of me and just let her cry to sleep? No, I cant bear to do that.

I was more than hurt. I was sad, angry and insulted. But again, did I choose to leave?

Let’s recall back day when she shouted at me in public and broke my two precious cups. I almost lost my live because of that. I was too depressed I had no mood to eat nor drink for almost 2 days. If it wasn’t for the people who helped me out when I fainted in public, I would have be gone by now. But even when she knows about it did she do anything to make me feel better? She just kept her distance from me.

Any third party would just leave if the same thing happen to them. But did I? No.

So tell me why does it seems like I’m the only one who treasured this friendship?

Today marks the first official day for school and I feel like as though I am the youngest of them...

Sat, 26 Jan 2013 12:06:59 -0500

Today marks the first official day for school and I feel like as though I am the youngest of them all. I’m not sure how I’ll cope with work and studies. To tell you the truth Im not sure if I can. =X

I’ll try my best but I really feel like changing job. I should get a job nearer to my school so at least it won’t be that rushing right. Or maybe I should hire a personal chauffeur. :p

A brand new year marks a brand new beginning. And that also means a brand new challenge. In shaa Allah I’ll go through this phase. I can do it. I must do it!

I dont know how much longer it’s gonna last. Nor do I know how much further the distance will...

Fri, 02 Nov 2012 11:17:57 -0400

I dont know how much longer it’s gonna last. Nor do I know how much further the distance will grow. It’s painful enough to see how things are right now. But I can’t do anything much. I don’t know why I feel so hurt and angry when I found out the truth. Life is a cycle I guess. History repeats itself.

Gosh, when it first happened, I had the craziest thoughts. Ending life, changing school, running away are some of the few ideas I had. Yes. I was that bad.

And it was all triggered from one thing. From her effective ways of making me feel invisible. I felt like my existence didn’t even matter to her anymore. I was very close to withdraw myself from school and enroll myself in ITE instead. Only God knows how vulnerable I was.

It took such a long time for me to let go and now it’s happening again. It’s even worse this time. Everything happened behind my back. Those texts I read was bad enough. I can’t imagine anything worse than this.

Maybe it’s me overreacting. Maybe it’s just me feeling insecure.

Or maybe it’s just her way of telling me she don’t need me anymore? That she’s so much happier with someone else and I’m just nothing but a nuisance? There’s so many misunderstandings between us anyway and there’s NONE with the other party.

Ya Robb, give me the willpower for me to go through this difficult phase. If I’m not destined to be there for her forever, find her someone better who would. For only You who knows what’s best for us. Amin

His 21st birthday celebration.. USS trip! Hehe.. He WAS late! Omgggggg. I have never waited for...

Fri, 19 Oct 2012 10:28:15 -0400

His 21st birthday celebration.. USS trip! Hehe..

He WAS late! Omgggggg. I have never waited for someone that long please. I almost fell asleep. haha. nvm it’s okay. Understandable since he was from work.

I had to rush through the lunch time coz of the delay. It was supposed to be a surprise but he guessed it right before we reach there. I think the route too obvious already. =p

Thankfully it’s not that crowded. All the rides are fun except for accelerator. We love galactica ride the most. But I just dont like the after effects. Haha. It feels like the whole world is spinning and anytime you can just lose your balance and fall off. =x

And and I finally know where the prayer room is. It’s secluded in one corner. :D

I have so much more to share actually but I shall stop here coz I’m tired and I’m late for my lalaland. Hehe.

Take care dear readers! Till I update again next time <3

Yours Truly

Ezzah O

Admission Interview

Fri, 19 Oct 2012 10:00:37 -0400

Okay so the interview went quite well. Alhamdulillah. The head of my course seems to be a friendly man. He happen to be a Singtel customer too. So half the time, we were talking about Singtel. He initially thought I was working under retail/telemarketer. He seems to be surprised when I told him I’m working as customer care officer providing billing support. hehhs. I look too young to handle such calls meh? Haha. Well anywayy, he actually complimented the services provided by the call centre. Aww…! I FEEL SO PROUD CAN? <3 <3
Hopefully I can get through this interview..InsyaAllah..

That aside, I wanna thank Zafirah Bte Abdullah for being so sweet! Hehe. Thank you so much for giving me the support I needed! Hehe. She actually took leave to accompany me all the way to Clementi in the morning and even prepared me script! I truly appreciate all the things you did. And I especially love the role play. Hilang sikit rasa gementar <3 <3

XOXO

Ezzah O

Wow. I just realized my last update was on July 3rd! Haha. I’ve been very busy with work and...

Sun, 14 Oct 2012 09:31:18 -0400

Wow. I just realized my last update was on July 3rd! Haha. I’ve been very busy with work and class and other commitments. I barely have time to switch my laptop on! :P

So my 1 year contract with SingTel will be ending this December and I still have not decided if I should continue working there or find a different job. My colleagues are all very nice people but I’m just tired of answering calls.

Weird as it seems, I kind of miss working with Parkway Hospitals. I miss calling up the different vendors for invitations, conducting the tender briefing, collecting and opening of documents and organizing all those messy documents. It’s really fun. I just hate the part where I have to stay till late night to cover up for my boss. tsk. For some reason, my boss trusted me so much and authorized me to do the opening of documents and auditing it on behalf of my department. Wow right.! I was only a temp staff! But im fine with it though. I like it cause it gives me the experience. And it feels good to be the young one presenting to a bunch of experienced managers and I was their main point of contact everytime. Hehe

That was my desk and the list of vendors I have to go through for the invites. Hee. Yes, it’s that long. That was only one cluster. The beginning stage. It gets longer and longer for the next clusters until eventually we have to consider buying another cupboard for the storage.

Okay, work aside, I recently applied to further my studies in Marketing and I received an email to say I’m shortlisted. I need to go for an interview in about 4 days time. And to be honest, I’m really nervous. I have no idea what kind of question will they ask. =/

I hope I won’t screw it up. Wish me luck people.

xoxo

ezzah

I was having unbearable pain in the morning only to find out I’m having gastric flu. And on...

Tue, 03 Jul 2012 22:24:22 -0400

I was having unbearable pain in the morning only to find out I’m having gastric flu. And on top of that, it complements with fever and throbbing headache . I wasn’t even aware I have fever until the doc check my temperature. Now I have to follow the restrictions that comes with it. :-(

Photo

Sun, 01 Jul 2012 21:24:56 -0400

Everything seems so wrong. Yes, it could have ended way earlier. And it would have saved me from all...

Sun, 01 Jul 2012 05:25:44 -0400

Everything seems so wrong. Yes, it could have ended way earlier. And it would have saved me from all the hardship I’m going through now. But I was foolish. I choose to forgive and forget in the hope that it would be better in future. Now after months of hoping, nothing seems to change. In fact it grew worse each time and it makes me feel doubtful of my own choice. Sigh.

yanilavigne: More quotes here..

Sun, 01 Jul 2012 00:52:17 -0400

yanilavigne:

More quotes here..

yanilavigne: More quotes here..

Sun, 01 Jul 2012 00:52:09 -0400

yanilavigne:

More quotes here..